


I Hear You

by Adverant



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: And the idea became a story, And then it became an idea, I drew a thing, Inspired by my own art, M/M, Short/Drabble, referenced sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4823405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adverant/pseuds/Adverant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Warning; There is an auto-play audio file attached to this so be sure your volume is at a level that is desirable or muted, thanks~]</p><p>He always forgets Jack, and he knows it's not his fault, but the fact that he has to look into Mark's eyes every time and see a stranger reflected back hurts so much. He doesn't always like them, hell they don't always like him either, but they learn to get along after they read the journal.</p><p>He thinks he likes this one though, this Mark is sweet and understanding, he just wishes he'd never had to meet this Mark.<br/>He wants the Mark who loved him without having to be told as much, he wants the Mark that kisses him behind his ear when he gets home from work.</p><p>But that man is gone, and soon so will this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hear You

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys I had a cold, I know I haven't been updating much (other than like two stories) but... have fluff!
> 
> I know, I owed you guys this.  
> By the way I'm disabling anonymous commenting, just to test on this one, because I want to get constructive criticism from other writers on here. I think this means that Guests wont be able to comment??
> 
> -Vera

It had been an odd, 'off' kind of morning when Jack got up. He got his coffee like he had every day since moving in with Mark- obviously it was mostly sugar, which his boyfriend pointed out was going to make him sick one of these days, proposing that if he kept at it he'd never sleep. He'd simply huffed about sleep being for the weak, and continued sipping it, but today had none of the witty banter he and Mark usually shared. He glanced at the clock, maybe for the thousandth time that day. Speaking of the pink haired devil, he should have been up and going well over an hour ago, Arin had called him into the office late last night and he knew Mark hated when he did that but it was still his job. He always assured Jack that he loved his job, but that he hated being called about it on days he wasn't working at nearly eleven pm.

He tapped his foot almost nervously on the white tile and sighed, his head falling back as he stared at the pale ceiling. Just as he had suspected, it had none of the answers he was looking for- in fact, it had not even one. He sipped away his coffee, twiddling the mug between his slender fingers even when he'd finished for a few minutes before deciding enough was enough, placing it in the sink to find the man who held his heart. "Mark?" He called quietly, curiously, into Mark's room. Nothing came in reply, and he pushed the door open slightly more, finding nothing but empty space- well, cluttered space, but void of his boyfriend.

He walked into the middle of the room and looked to every corner for some sort of clue, finding none he turned and left again. He stood in the hallway for a moment before heading to the washroom, sticking his head through the open door to see Mark huddled in the corner with his head down. He said nothing, instead walking over and dropping to his knees in front of Mark, resting his elbows on the other's knees. He waited for some sort of response, frowning when he got none, and instead reached a hand over to tilt Mark's chin up to face him. His eyes opened, red from tears and looking lost somewhere else.

Jack sighed and moved to Mark's side, where he drew an arm over his shoulders and put the other hand on his knee. "Hey, hey look at me love." He murmured, watching Mark very closely while said man stared at the floor across the room, it looked as if he was processing Jack's words when he turned his head to look at him. Jack felt a pit of sadness settle in his stomach at the look on his face, of course this wasn't the first time he'd felt so cold looking into Mark's eyes. It would never have mattered though, because every time this happened it surprised him. It's not like it has a schedule or anything so he cant always be there right away, but he always tries so hard to be anyway. He sighed, patting Mark's shoulder and standing quickly, which he immediately apologized for when he noticed Mark flinch at the sudden movement.

He held out a hand to Mark, who watched him cautiously for what felt like an hour. When Mark finally took his offer, and stood unsteadily, Jack tried to pull him towards the door. Mark seemed surprised by the act and stumbled forward into Jack, who caught him before they both could end up on the floor. It was getting worse, he had noticed the last few times this had happened, he was starting to have problems with movement. Jack helped Mark walk out into the living room, which was almost painful at the rate of which they did, even Mark seemed frustrated with himself for not being able to keep up with Jack at times when the latter got impatient.

He settled Mark on the couch beside him and sat down himself, still loosely holding one of Mark's hands in his own and moving his thumb gently over it in a comforting gesture. "What do you remember?" Jack asked quietly, watching the blank expression on Mark's face go to panicked in a moment, his mouth opening before quickly closing in a thin line grimly. He stared at their hands for a long, quiet moment while he considered how he would answer Jack. Mark seemed to be exploring his own mind for the time being, he was worried for a moment that maybe he'd forgotten how to speak. "I... remember... I lost feeling in my legs and... I was... I fell."

Mark frowned, moving his other hand slowly to the side of Jack's face, feeling the light stubble there and curiously observing his blue eyes. "I remember you." Jack laughed almost bitterly at that, well yes of course he remembered him, but he only thought he did. He remembered the face, sure, the green hair, probably, his eyes, absolutely; but he never remembered him as  _Sean_. To Mark he was Jack, and every single time this happened he would have to relearn who Sean was, more importantly who Sean was to him. It was getting harder to live with this, to live with Mark with his condition, but he stayed anyway because he knew he was the only one who would be patient enough to put him back together every time.

He remembered when he tried to bring back Mark's memories in the beginning, the doctors having told him it was near impossible probability that he'd bring it back. He was so naive back then, but now he did no such thing anymore, he knew Mark would never get his memories back. Instead, every time he forget his entire life in a matter of second, he helped Mark get through his everyday life all over again as if he was born to live only that life over and over endlessly. It was like he was reborn, but there was no reason that Jack would accept which explained why Mark was this way.

"No... no you don't remember me." He sighed, pulling his hand away from Mark's and standing up. Mark just sat on the couch and waited as he walked away, down the hall to Mark's own room to pick up the phone that sat on his dresser. He walked back into Mark's view with the phone between his hands, typing a quick text to Arin that Mark wouldn't be going in to work that day and probably not for a week or longer. Would he have longer? Jack wasn't so sure anymore, this was the first time in a while and he hadn't been expecting it, he thought Mark was getting better.

Apparently not.

He missed the Mark he'd known initially, he missed the Mark that remembered him and even remembered the things he said that he wished he hadn't. He was just going to have to keep pushing through this it seemed, for now anyway, until Mark was better and to whatever new-self he was to become. He'd liked the last Mark honestly pretty well, but maybe that was because he'd lasted so long, this one's memory would be worse and he was scared of what that would mean for the man's personality. Maybe he would, if he ever went back, hate his job now that he forgot he had it, or that he had ever liked it.

He sat beside Mark again, who kept his distance this time, but he leaned forward turning the phone towards him. "This is your password, can you remember that?" He slowly moved his fingers across the screen to lightly tap the numbers displayed, the click confirmation sounding when he got it right and it displayed the bright home screen. Mark nodded, taking the phone from Jack and turning it in his hands slightly before pressing the of button once, and the home button on the bottom. He showed Jack that he remembered the password by typing it in, making a mental note about what the number was in his mind.

Jack nodded his approval then stood up, running his fingers through his bright green hair and pushing it to the side out of his face, and offered Mark a hand to help him up- might as well go through the same thing he always did. "Your name is Mark Edward Fischbach, you are 26 years of age born June 28th." He recited as Mark's hand was placed in his and he pulled the other onto his feet, leading him down the hallway and gesturing to each room explaining what they were. "This is your room," he opened the door and gestured around, leaning on the door frame while Mark walked in and around.

He remembered the first time he'd been walking home from a night out with Mark when he'd passed out, falling flat on the sidewalk and giving him a hell of a scare. They hadn't been drinking, so he attributed it to something they ate or maybe he was sick. He thought little of it, drag-carrying him the rest of the way to a cab he made a call to, and watching his love closely on the drive home. It didn't seem all that bad until Mark woke up and was first confused, saying that he didn't really remember all that happened the day before. He'd been concerned then, but was more worried when Mark started forgetting little things too.

Like his work hours, what his boss's wife's name was, where they kept plates, the buttons on the controller playing his favorite game Earthbound. The second time he definitely noticed it getting worse, he'd been asleep when it happened and Mark had dropped a plate of fruit he'd planned on leaving on Jack's beside table for him since he had to leave early for work that morning. It had of course woken him up and he went into the kitchen to find Mark in a daze with glass in his hands, picking shards out and flicking them onto the floor. He asked Mark if he was okay, and he received a nod and a blank expression from Mark, who made a joking comment that maybe he was too tired for work that day.

He'd forgotten where he put his glasses, he forgot that he needed to use color-safe shampoo for his hair, he forgot what he'd been planning to do with the plate of fruit until he read a note he himself had no memory of writing to Jack. He forgot how to turn on the PS4, he forgot what weekday it was, and he forgot which games he had already played, staring at a game menu screen on the TV that said 'continue' and wondering when he had ever played in, asking if it had been Jack.

The third time he'd begun having serious Amnesia resembling memory loss, he'd been lying in bed this time so it must have happened in his sleep, but when he sat up and reached over for his phone he let out a noise of frustration that summoned none other than Jack to his side. He'd forgotten his combination, which luckily his boyfriend knew and was able to type in for him, but he frowned at the notifications he'd gotten from Felix and Aaron. He'd forgotten who their European friends were, and as a result the people behind the names he recognized but couldn't place became background noise to him, he couldn't remember whatever stories they joked about with him.

The fourth time really scared him though, because that's when he forgot his father had died and that he had a brother. He'd also forgotten his boss's name, and Jack's real first name, and that they were in a relationship. It had happened at work apparently, since Jack had been called by Arin to pick him up after he'd passed out at his work computer, and he'd helped Mark into the car. He got a call from his mother about coming to visit her and Tom, it was the anniversary of his father's death next week and his brother was taking it badly especially with the stress he was going through lately.

He'd asked Jack who Tom was, and wondered why Tom would be upset, until he explained to the other man that his dad had died of cancer when he was eighteen, honestly worried at this point. When they got home at about noon, he suggested they eat lunch and just hang out on the couch for the rest of the day since he seemed to be not quite himself. He'd gotten them a bowl of raspberries and offered to feed one to Mark, who took it without a clue and ate it on his own, Jack just dismissed it. Of course Mark was startled though when Jack moved close to him and pulled him into an embrace, nudging below Mark's ear with his nose and playing with the hairs on the back of his neck.

He'd immediately gotten up and backed away when Mark protested, demanding to know what he thought he was doing. He'd dragged Mark out to the car giving him no say in the matter, and drove to the hospital. Some sort of brain damage or something, he assumed, but it was so much worse than he thought, because not even the doctor there could explain it.

_"His brain appears to be deteriorating, almost." The nurse had said, frowning at the charts. "I've never seen anything like it, maybe someone else here will know." She had left to find someone who could explain the results of the testing, soon finding a Doctor who had seen it before. "I've only ever seen this once before," Dr. Kyre confirmed, scanning over Mark's medical information while said man sat there in frustrated silence, unsure of why he was there. "in one of my own close friends. There isn't a known cause for it but you can think of it as... the mind reverting. It's like Amnesia only very few things are forgotten at first and it gradually gets worse. Sometimes it stops after some time, years, but as often as this is happening with Mr. Fischbach I'm not sure it will."_

_"I can bring it back, I'll bring it all back." He said stubbornly, putting a reassuring hand on Mark's knee, who looked frightened and lost at the moment. "I'm going to forget who I am?" He said in almost panic, tightening a grip he'd acquired on Jack's upper arm. "Unfortunately, the memory can't be recovered. You'll have to keep relearning bits of information. I'll offer you the advice of this- document yourself in a journal. Anything you've forgotten the last occurrences, write it down. Be prepared to forget anything."_

They had both been so scared, and after Jack managed to convince Mark they had indeed been in a relationship- not necessarily hard thing to convince him of, he had a lot of evidence to work with- Mark wasn't at all hesitant to be with him again. He was still Mark, for now, and at the moment he dedicated the most of his journal to writing about Jack, though he wasn't allowed to ever read the damned thing. He was only ever a messenger to himself in the future, writing every thought and motion in the book. He supposed if this continued on the way it was, he'd have to begin reading it to Mark.

He almost laughed at Mark's horrified expression when he picked up and read one of the many letters he and Mark used to share when he was far off in Ireland, they wrote often since Mark loved writing letter and had once joked of being pen pals with him. He glanced over at Jack, holding the letter and his face bright red at the intimate and suggestive writing scrawled in both of their cursive, addressed with none the subtle nicknames. Seeing Jack holding back laughter, he smiled nervously anyway, deciding to make a joke about it, despite how odd it was coming to terms with never having remembered any of this.

" _My gay lover_...?" He read, raising an eyebrow to Jack. "You're a little theatrical, aren't you?" He folded the paper and placed it in his back pocket while he walked around the bed to rummage around all his other belongings, for any hint to who he really was. Jack just let out a bright giggle that put Mark on his toes with the chills it sent down his back, and he spoke to the pink haired goof. "Sure, I  _was_. You like letters, so I wrote to you. Not exactly what you were expecting, you never really expect it. You read it again though, every time. It's the first thing you read in this room." He remarked, and it was true.

Mark was always drawn to the little folded note he found on his dresser folded in front of a picture frame of his dog Lucy, every time Jack toured him to his room he would look around then walk straight to it, and read a line. Creepily enough, he read them line by line. The last time he'd read the last line Jack had wrote, this time he read the title just below it addressing the note to him. At least this time Mark seemed more calm about it, last time he'd been even angry at Jack for the note and frustrated for not remembering. He might just like this Mark better than the last. They were already getting along better than last time.

He finally picked up a large hardcover journal off the floor under his bed, flipping open the pages. Jack gestured that he follow, and led Mark back out to the living room couch to sit and read it. He read it out loud to Jack this time, which was a first, maybe he was having trouble reading it in his head- maybe he'd forgotten the sound of his own voice. He'd flipped to the first page of the book and spoke quietly, following with a finger.  _"I guess I really am doing this, aren't I? I decided to listen to Doctor Kyre's advice, I got a journal. I'm scared of forgetting myself, but I'm more afraid of forgetting Sean. I have already, and I hope he forgives me for forgetting that I love him. First, myself, I should warn you of your condition."_

Jack tapped his fingers on his knee, and Mark glanced over at him for a moment, probably identifying him as Sean and connecting him to what was written as he takes a deep breath.  _"You have a weird Amnesia-type brain malfunction or something, and your- our- my mind is erasing bits of itself. The doctor says it could happen at any moment, and I could forget anything, even muscle movement, so I need you- us- to be ready for it all. So let me tell you- tell me- who you- we- who I am. I'm Mark (Markimoo) Edward Fischbach, second son to a mother and stepmother who both love me, and a father who died of cancer when I was 18. I am 24 as I write this, but you will be reading this at another age possibly."_

_"The first thing I need to do- that you need to do- is remind yourself- me- who Jack is. He will probably be near you, and worried as hell. He's got brown hair that has silver streaks, it's not grey, and gorgeous blue eyes you could get lost in. He informed me we plan to dye our hair for charity, his will probably be green, I've decided pink. He's a transgender, but remember that doesn't make him different. He's a trap so be careful, no guy could be that beautiful without being Jack. His full name is Sean William McLoughlin- I forgot that some time ago but I asked."_

He nodded to himself, sounds like something Mark would say to him at the time, and actually he remembers Mark asking about his name. Mark taps the page slightly before turning it, reading into the dated entries listing his daily life.  _"I have to get back to work at some point, I work at an office for Arin Hanson, he's an amazingly lenient boss and I owe him for his patience, I'm a writer and I type for him. I also do video editing but if I'm too far gone, I fear I eventually will have to stop assisting with that. I may have to quit my job..."_ He skimmed down a few paragraphs to later in the entry.  _"He's so beautiful I'm glad he stays here with me, I'm scared of doing this without him but he makes it so much easier..."_

He flipped a few pages, following the words to another entry about a week later.  _"...been having nightmare, they wake Jack up at night. He comes in and stays there with me in my bed until I sleep again, I can't sleep soundly without him..." "It's early, Jack isn't home he had to go to work. Thank god it's just a weekly thing I could never live without him here, if I could forget at any moment..." "...his lips are so soft on mine, I love his gentle sweet kisses in the morning before I leave for work. He's just so... amazing. I'm so lucky to have him, I hope I'll always remember him that way..." "...I met my brother Tom for the first time today, his art is amazing, it was heartbreaking seeing his expression when Jack explained to him what's happening..."_

 _"...has been about three months, Jack and I have finally settled in the new apartment and we have no plans to leave this one, I still have my job but it's closer now. Jack has to drive me, since he's still worried about me passing out and forgetting my whole life..." "...left him a welcome home note above the shoe rack, I figured it was about time, I'm going to have to ask him about it since it'll be a first for me all over again-"_ "Oh god." He stopped reading there and his face turned a bright cherry red before he flipped a few pages, reading quietly to himself so Jack couldn't hear, but he saw the date on the page was a while later, after it had happened again two more times.

They were there all morning, while Mark read the journal and Jack got them food and water, and occupied himself with the internet on his phone. He answered any questions Mark had, and the latter wrote it in his journal for the next time, as by now they were both expecting according to the journal. The look of loss and hurt on Mark's face made Jack want to kiss it all away and make him happy again, to say how much he loved the Amnesiac man beside him, but he refrained from it. Mark was going to have to become friends with him all over again, he knew, and jumping right into the relationship they had lost was just going to make Mark feel awkward and uncomfortable. Speaking from experience.

When it got late, Mark walked to his own room alone with the book held tightly to his chest, and Jack slept on the couch in case he was needed. Mostly he was worried that Mark would have a nightmare, since that seemed to happen often. He never did say what the nightmares were and neither did he ever write about them, he'd asked if the Journal had said anything about them. He was just going to have to wait it out.  _Here we go again_ , he thought bitterly, running his fingers through his hair once before sighing, rolling over so he was facing the couch cushions. He whispered quietly into the night to himself, the feeling of loss from the days events finally hitting him, sending a salty tear down the side of his porcelain face. "I want the real Mark back..." Such a selfish request but... he didn't regret it. Maybe he would have, if he'd known of the presence in the hallway watching him, listening to his soft words.


End file.
